Diary Kid (end)

4 January
I, too, was in the cemetery ... Cynical? Probably. And you were too. We looked into each other's eyes, and engaged in a dialogue in silence. Which you heard only the two of us, and, probably, more ... Leszek Leszek, Leszek! Oh, and the goat I am!
-You better what to do?
-You know that there is.
-What for? Avenge me to them? But it's not fair. It's not my fault that I loved him ... What to choose ...
-Yes, he is not to blame, it's you me, when it chose, then riveted the steel chain and invisible to-oh-LHA not let go. And I could not go myself. Because that was how your dog - even though on a chain, but still a good host ... I'm still on your chain, although you untie her for a long time. And imagine the situation ... with a collar and chain untethered go around the city, all staring at me ... "Escape, probably a dog something ..."And then I find another host and tell him ... " Take me to him. Suppose you already have one ... And now here are two!". Would you take it? Hardly ... Although the collar to the chain removed when let go ...
-What do you all work out ... the dog, the dog ... No you're not a dog. And I do not tie you, and just fell in love. You know...
-Yes, not tied? And who said that if I leave, you will die? For a long time, of course, but he spoke. And who has allowed me to be with you everywhere and dragged me on their show? Who allowed me to be there almost every night? not "on the mat at the door"As any decent dog, and on your couch, next to you ...
-Yes, you must understand, Baby, everything is changing, we are changing, time, our views ... What - to me, all my life for him to drag you? You grow, you must also have had a girl, then the family, then ... Or do you want from me? Always alone, no children, no family?
-So and without children? !!
-Yes I'm talking about own children!
-I nonnative you been? Yes? Non-native?
-No, kid, perhaps more akin to you I still was no one!
-A family of children that need to throw when they grow up? Yes?
-So you did not understand until now, baby! And you do not understand yourself. Do you remember how you became self leave when Leszek came. How does it bother you? The fact that I had finally, the talented student? The first student, and not a lover! We would be enough to place three in the world! Believe!
-And you, too, so do not understand anything! How could I would send you to him, and then calmly watch you vozishsya with him? Like hugging, says something about the landscapes and the depths of space ... so I could not. Therefore, and left. And at the expense of the family - is in vain ... you are not the man that I am, to have a family. After all, I'm the same as you. Or almost. Only here do you not understand this. Or I do not want to understand.
-But you remember, you and I never talked about it. While I was trying to ... We just loved. We loved silence and all ...
-Yes, we loved the silence. Maybe this is our problem?
And now, as I write at home, remembering our last conversation, I do know what to do.
First of all, I send you by mail your blog. That is to say three-year FULL STATEMENT OF LOVE. MY LOVE ... NO - N A E A Q! ! !
You look, and he'll come in handy. As a guide to the future life. Although if you teach me life? You yourself taught me ... and yourself at the same time. Read now think ... think long before you find a new "learner". And when you find, be careful - if you're wrong? Did you leave it in three years ... Just ...
And I take the same trunk, and ... Oh, no, do not think ... Although my conscience and an indelible stain, do not add to me one more to it ...
About you, they will never know anything. Convince - I know how to be silent ... just I tell you how I spent the last day of last year. Details will tell ...
Write a letter. If you want...
Kuznetsov 2001.

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