I know that in all things, of course, to blame himself. Probably. Although I did not think that it may well be over. And for me and for you.
Firstly, I loved you. Devotedly and selflessly! And more - nobody. My mother died a long time.
And another mother to me you did not want.
Secondly, you yourself in me doted. Just what is it with me were things?
After all, do you know how lonely I was and how I need your caress. The usual weasel parent to son.
And next to me has always been an idol. Hard and harsh, did not admit to himself and not giving relax. And if we do not live on an abandoned farm and in the village, with lots of peers and neighbors, and to dissolve my morbid desire for you to communicate with others.
We always slept separately, though painfully, to gnash his teeth in, I wanted to sleep in the warm embrace of your strong hands, soothing and peaceful. To know what is being protected and loved, and that is - forever. But you would not let me in, and only then I realized why.
I guess it all started from the time when I began to wake up in the morning with bulging underpants. I myself did not pay attention to it - well, just something happening in me, so be it! And only on themselves often I caught your eye, rested in my excitement, and heard the convulsive swallowing saliva. I'm really worried if I was sick, so you just react to it, but somehow I noticed that you all well, and therefore all of us in order. But since that time I have lost the only affection that still remained and that I valued - you stopped gently lather my body on Wednesday in the bath.
Pull over to you! How to me it was always necessary! And to a head - on his shoulder! And to your hand - in my head of hair! And to hand over polspiny he pressed me to you. And to arms entwine around your neck and harden, absorbing good heat. But you're determined to stop any attempt in this direction:
- Not small! What a calf tenderness?
And I, beaten, crawl, not understanding why I cheated. What is my fault that I grew up?
And then there was the hay, and that night in a haystack. Where the smell of fresh hay, and even moonshine, whatever you drunk at night. You slept, and in the moonlight I looked at your face, it is not harsh in his sleep, and is family and friends. And I patted you on the forehead and cheeks. But you did not wake up and do not disturb me to fantasize that it is also nice to you. Then you turned over, darted, became something incoherent whisper, grabbing the air with his hands. And suddenly I said clearly:
- Come to me!
I do not believe it, but you grabbed my hand and pressed it to her. It was painful and interfere with stifling and ruffled at the bottom of your stomach, which you strongly ran into me. But I kept silent, fearing that even this drunken weasel can quickly end. And you presses harder, and pressed me so much that it became hard to breathe. Then he fumbled with his free hand, freeing himself from his pants and me. And lips, your sweet lips puckering walked on the forehead, cheeks, neck, enveloping heat insatiably voracious love. Belly scalded contact with a long hot barrel, which slid on the body, swept up, then stuck between my legs, then I find themselves somewhere in the chest. And then zaderevenelo your body twitched and suddenly resolved abundantly fragrant sticky sprays.
Embrace weakened, and then completely finished. The eyes you never opened. Dumps, relaxed, sniffed. And I lay there, stupidly wondering what it was? And why does my heart so anxious and sweet? No, no, I'm not offended. Just I wanted to understand one thing:
Why you it was so necessary?
I wiped hay, pulled his pants, gently placed on your chest and gazed up at the starry sky as if it was trying to find answers to all their questions.
And in the morning, looking at herself, half-naked, and lying next to me, you confusedly asked what had happened during the night. And hiding his eyes, I said quietly: - Nothing!
You do not believe it, I understood it immediately. You glared at me for a long time, then he said:
- Sorry! It will never happen again! Forget about what happened! And yet - when I drink, do not lie down together with me!
- I was not hurt! - I muttered, instinctively knowing that it is not talking, and that's not the point.
From that day on, much has changed. Everything seems to be, as always, and yet not so. You began to twitch, sharp, shudder at the slightest touch of my. I went to bed only after undress and I can lie. And that night, after a bath, I was awakened by the fact that your bed heaving. And through the rustling of clothes and the creaking of the bed clearly resounded in the half of the world: - My boy!
Do you need me! Just as then, in a haystack! We need now, always, at any moment. You somehow ashamed of it and pushing me. I do not understand what is the meaning of your actions and desires, and what a difference! You need it, and only I can give! And I do not care at all - just to be with you, in your arms, to caress the mighty native body, burning on your lips and give, give you joy.
I knew, when all we have to change. I waited for the second hay. And he is preparing for it in their own way ...
... It was almost like the last time. And fees, and mowing, and sweat in three streams. It was not only relaxed when we stretched out on the hay in the evening completely exhausted. Both are waiting for something, and worried of talking at random, and not about that. It was dark.
- I think I'll drink vodka, and you eat, sleep and spanked in the haystack! - You thought you said it firmly and authoritatively. Heard you'd like speaks hoarsely and shakes your voice! I nodded obediently, and munching a slice of bread, looked like emptying a bottle of moonshine.
- All, stamp! - He leaned back and looked away. I forced him to turn to me the sound of ravaged bottle - I was drinking its contents.
- Idiot! - He snatched it from my hands and stared stunned! - You will die from a dose! What happened to you? Absolutely crazy? - He was furious.
- You drink! I'm a big, and I want you! - My head grew a strange noise.
- Yes, you've got guts to thirteen years of moonshine wither! You will not pump out!
- We both drank and I will stay with you today!
- I said I went out! - He punched me in the face with such force that his eyes darkened. For the first time in his life. I fell down, threw himself. All broke and I fell somewhere. Awoke from his hand shakes my forehead, and his eyes looked for in my face for signs of life. He sighed with relief:
- Thank God nothing happened to you! How do you feel?
- A bit sick. - The reality slowly emerges from the turbid consciousness. Cotton severity gradually let go, retreated, and left only his great frightened eyes. I took his hand in hers and pressed it to his lips. - I really need you! Do not drive me today! And do not drive! I - yours, you know!
- My! Only mine! Mine forever! - He wheezed. His hands cupped my face. I only saw the approaching trembling dry lips and closed his eyes. And his breath burned eyelids and fingers tangled in her hair. And I know for a shiver of this great body that is approaching is unknown ... that is akin to all of us and equalize. And I'm going to belong to him totally and completely. Nothing else in the world I do not need!
And it was night.
Our night.
From the physical pain and the joy of giving!
With tears and with a desire to dissolve in each other.
With gratitude and happiness that we have each other.
Our last night ...
... To know, what was I to you! To know how you loved me like a long and eagerly awaited, when I grew up and become your answering joy of unity. How thirsty are you this moment, hating the dirt of the mind, but giving a report that you can not overcome yourself, because only such a unity for you - Higher!
And you know, I do not just imagine it ever! ...
... But I come to you to where you are I will never banish!